Oh Baby!

It has been so long since I posted on this blog, I actually had to go back and reread the last post just to remember where I left off. But the phrase that I am telling myself is, "Sometimes you have to live life first and blog about it later." So here goes with the abridged version of life in the past four months....

When I left my full-time job, we were initially scared and thought that we would put some plans on hold until we felt like we were back in control. God apparently laughed at us and said, "whatever." He knew that we would probably think it was crazy timing, but we got pregnant anyway. So in mid-December, I thought I had better get myself to a doctor and find out just how far along we were before we started spreading the news. Surprisingly, we were seven weeks pregnant and it will probably feel like an entire year before this kid arrives, but we were still excited to share our joy with our families at Christmas. Sweet Cameron got her first "Big Sister" shirt and ambushed Grammy, who promptly squealed and said, "REALLY?!?!?"

I was also offered a full-time job at the tax consulting firm, which I could only take in good conscience by telling them that they were getting a package deal. My boss was the first person I told other than Bo! He was so kind and encouraging, saying that it would work out perfectly and he was thrilled for me. Thank the Lord that he sent me to this company just when I needed it the most. Though it would mean that I could no longer do part time work for the other ministry, I felt like it was the right thing for our family and they very graciously understood (and only briefly made me feel bad for abandoning them so soon after jumping in!)

Right away in January, I started to work at JJC full-time, though mostly I was just trying to figure out what was most helpful and trying to learn exactly what they do. It was so amazing to be in an environment that was comfortable talking about our Christian faith, praying and sharing our concerns with one another. Especially in such a stressful business, caring about and seeing each other through Christ's eyes makes a huge difference when people's patience might start to run thin. I loved hearing how much everyone respects and appreciates one another. The Christmas party was like one big love-fest, with each person having more kind and complimentary things to say than I had probably ever heard at any other workplace. Bo even commented that he was so excited for me to be working somewhere like that.

Work business sort of made me forget that I was expecting, other than the nausea and constant exhaustion. I would come home after work and just want to collapse in bed. Fortunately, I didn't really get sick and managed to still make it through most things. But then all of a sudden, some of our very dear friends from church had storms take over their lives. Ian Warshak was in the hospital for almost two entire months and literally came back from the brink of death. Seeing him in the hospital was so scary to me as a wife and mother, and it consumed my thoughts for weeks. How fragile we are. How we are completely invincible one moment and crushed the next. I just couldn't bring myself to celebrate a tiny baby growing in me when so many people I loved were hurting and unsure of what the next day would bring. Another dear family that we love found out that their sweet little boy would have to endure another round of chemo and radiation for the ugly cancer that had reared its head again. And I felt myself doubting that God has good plans. That perhaps He would allow us all to see what it feels like to let the world have its way with us.

All the while, this sweet baby just kept growing and growing. I felt flutters of movement at around 15 weeks, much earlier than I did with Cameron. I think this time I just had a better idea of what I was feeling and was so surprised. The doctor said I was pleasantly normal and unexciting. We opted out of all the genetic testing again because we knew it would make no difference to us. Shortly after, I read a blog about a woman who gave birth to a beautiful daughter and was blindsided with the news that she had down syndrome. One of her nurses told her that she also had a "special child" and that even though she was long since gone, she knew that her daughter's life was a gift. I cried and thanked God for the reminder.

Now I am 21 weeks along, doing great according to my last visit. The doctor is making me wait forever for the sonogram, but next week we should know if Cameron is getting a little brother or little sister (her request from the get-go.) We have been tossing around names but don't feel 100% settled just yet. I did briefly go crazy planning an entire nursery for a little boy, only to have to shelve it all until we know more. I remember thinking with Cameron that we were having a boy, so maybe my senses are just completely off anyway. Why guess? We will be thrilled either way.

Long story short, I don't want the new baby to perhaps look back on these early months and feel ignored. With your first pregnancy, you quickly become obsessed and worried and cannot stop talking about it. This time around, I feel like we will just figure things out when they come, and that I don't have to panic about it all for no reason. I just want to enjoy it.

In fact, tonight Baby and I had a great time listening to music together, and we decided on our official lullaby. With Cameron, I used to sing her "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" before she was born, and when she was a tiny baby it would actually calm her down.. This time around, I will be singing lots of this song:



Baby #2, you are loved, you are thought of, you are a gift.

Love, Mama

My New Theme Song

Cameron,
I am sure nothing seemed different to you this week (other than the day that you got sent to the office for smacking your friend), but Mommy started her two part-time jobs this week. I believe that on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays I will be working at the property tax consulting firm that my wonderful friend Chris hooked me up with. They are a great group of Christians that operate a fast-growing and smart business, so I am basically trying to figure out how I can best be of use to them. Next week there will be lots of changes around their office so I am just rolling with it.

Then on Tuesdays and Fridays, I am going to be helping my dear friend Josh (husband of super cool Mrs. Natalie) get some work done on behalf of his new ministry called Immersion Outfitters. They are also growing quickly and need someone to take care of administrative things, write and apply for some grants and help him stay organized since he is also running his own full-time business as well. They are tremendous godly people and I truly feel that God brought us together as friends so that I could help grow this ministry into the vision that God has given Josh. I am really excited!

It has been an amazing journey since I left my other job so unexpectedly. God has blessed us financially in a way that I am truly convinced was a miracle. At the end of my first month of unemployment, we somehow still had $1000 left over at the end of the month. That never happens even when I am getting paid! We have been able to keep you in full-time childcare, still pay all our bills and not eat Raman noodles every night. What a God we serve! He provides more than we can even think to ask for.

There has been one song that has been so touching to me during this time. I heard it on the way to my first full day of work this week and I immediately began to cry. It is by Aaron Shust, called "My Hope is in You." You can check out the video here. Here are the words:

I meet with You and my soul sings out
As your word throws doubt far away
I sing to You and my heart cries
Holy! Hallelujah
Father, You're near!

My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing
My hope is in You, Lord!

I wait for You and my soul finds rest
In my selfishness, You show me grace
I worship You and my heart cries
Glory, Hallelujah
Father You're here!

My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing
My hope is in You, Lord!

I will wait on You
You are my refuge
I will wait on You
You are my refuge

My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing
My hope is in You, Lord!

This journey has truly shown me the peace that comes in understanding that God is in control of your life. The joy that comes when you stop trying so hard to force the direction that you think you should be headed in. It has been such a blessing to me to read and study Exodus during this time, to understand how God led his people into a time of wilderness in order to clear their minds of anything taking the place of a relationship with him. Even at the farthest part of their journey when they thought they were going in the wrong direction, that is when they had their most intimate encounters with God. I know that this "wilderness" of my life has shown me the wonder of hearing God's voice and trusting him to lead me where he has planned. And I am so glad that you and Daddy get to be part of that journey too!

Love you,
Mama

Big Three Year Old Girl

My darling,
I cannot believe you are already three. You continue to do things and especially say things that made me laugh at how grown up you want to be. You keep telling me all the time that you can do things by yourself because you are a "big three year old."

You are usually very happy to go to school each day at Trinity. Even though we are patiently waiting for Mommy's jobs to start, we figured we are just going to keep you on your normal schedule and not worry about it. The three-year-olds class you are in is almost completely full of boys, with the exception of you and your friend Avery (and another little girl that I believe comes 2 days a week). You have picked up a few behaviors that I can tell are from them (like saying, "too bad, so sad!" and "duh." We are working on taking those back out of your vocabulary...) But your teachers say you are very well behaved and smart.

Daddy's sense of humor is certainly rubbing off on you. You love to jump in when Daddy has a funny saying or joke going and you two can keep it up for days. I need to get a video of you doing the perfect impression of Daddy when you hear something and say in your tiny high-pitched voice, "WHAT?!?! That's silly." You love to let him hold you up in the air or upside down like a football. I wish I could say that we still hold you all the time but you are just getting to be so big! We had your checkup with Dr. Beatty (Dr. Baby as you call her) and of course you are growing and developing just right. She has always been very kind and complimentary of you when we see her. She got a good chuckle out of you giving her a turkey high five like Daddy showed you.

We had so much fun having your party at our house and seeing your friends. You loved wearing your Abby fairy costume and were so sweet when you opened your presents. You made sure to say thank you and then you passed out stickers to everyone. You have some very thoughtful friends and got cool presents. You have also spent some of your birthday money on a new dress up costume (the pink Aurora princess dress of course) and some new outfits. You are just the right size for most 3T pants and you just look so tall and slender! I love getting to dress you in more stylish grown up looking clothes than just the basic things you wear to school. You certainly have preferred dresses and skirts alot more lately, especially any chance you get to wear a tutu! You even convinced Emerson to wear one while you two were doing some late night cooking.

Aunt Rachael took most of the pictures while they were here, so we will have to post more later. You had a fabulous birthday weekend that even ended with trick-or-treating with the Mowreys. You got to wear three different costumes in three days! And you could not have been more fun and adorable in each one.



Most importantly, I want to tell you how proud I am that you are showing us more and more that you are kind. You have quite a tender heart when it comes to stories or movies, and with your own friends you are usually quick to share and use nice manners. You are the first to offer a hug and a sweet pat on someone's back. You like to invite others and you don't seem to be shy about talking to friends or grownups. We love that you such a clear speaker because everyone can understand what you are telling them. (Of course, a break every now and then from the millions of questions would be okay too!) We can't believe how fast the time has gone. You may be my big three year old girl, but to me you are still my baby.

Hugs and Kisses,
Mommy

Count Your Blessings, One by One

Just wanted to remind myself to say out loud how thankful I am for the blessing of good friends. When my mom and sisters are so far away, it is wonderful to have good friends here in San Antonio to offer encouraging words, say thoughtful prayers, and share some laughs with me. It has been so much fun to make plans for each day to get out of the house and seem useful.

Sweet Danielle let me come spend a morning with her and Baby Callie. We organized her clothes over the next few sizes since she seems to be growing quickly just like her big brother Joshua did. Both of those ladies are so graceful and kind!

Wonderful Mrs. Natalie suggested a fancy new place for our lunch meeting that turned into a four-hour date with shopping! It was such a pleasure to catch up on each other's lives and enjoy a peaceful afternoon. Plus, she introduced me to Zara, my new favorite store. Seriously, I love pretty much anything that Natalie loves. That woman has ah-mazing taste. And she is so upbeat and funny, even when there are some major things going on in both our lives.

I got to spend the majority of today with Christy at their beautiful new house. It gave me such an appreciation for mommies of multiple kids. I can't imagine how you would ever get unpacked and moved into such a big house when you are taking care of three children on your days off from work. What little we were able to tackle today seemed more like fun, just hanging out with a friend and keeping myself busy at the same time. I wonder what I can help her with next week...

No news on the job front, but if I could just keep doing this and somehow get paid, I would be all over it in a heartbeat.

I'm Not Holding the Map

Cameron,
I haven't talked about this much with you, but this past week Mommy left her job. I intended to give two weeks notice so that I had time to job hunt, but they decided otherwise. So last Monday, I packed up all my things that I had accumulated over working there, and I was out the door by 8:45. My only regret is that I didn't really get a chance to say goodbye to anyone since they were in a meeting and didn't know what was happening. Not what I expected after five long years there.

I think because it happened so quickly, I almost didn't have time to get all that upset. I didn't cry, but mostly it is because I had gotten it all out on the weekend. I knew that things were doing downhill really quickly and I was unsure of what to do. I know that your daddy is always very practical and responsible, so the thought of leaving a job without having the next one lined up is just crazy. He was very hesitant, but I think he understands that I am doing my best to find something quickly and not spend money on anything unnecessary.

But what I received on Monday was just what I needed. Not from any person here, but rather through my bible study. This is the prayer that I read from Priscilla Shirer's study called "One in a Million."

God, according to Philippians 4:19 I believe that you will meet all of my needs according to your glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Lord, thank you that you are a shield around me. You are my glory and the lifter of my head (Psalm 3:3). As I journey, Lord, please reveal your love for me that, according to Ephesians 3:17-20, surpasses all knowledge and fills life with your fullness. Thank you for being able to do immeasurably more than I can ask.

Just as we have been studying about the Israelites wandering through the desert, God is leading me off of the path that looks easy and comfortable and asking me to follow him into the wilderness. It is so reassuring to read about how God will never lead me into a place that will not work toward accomplishing his purposes for me. I feel like God has always been faithful to provide a job for me when I needed it, and now it seems that my faith should be revealed as stronger. 1 Peter 1:6-7 says "In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

And then today, I started reading a wonderful new book by Max Lucado. And what do I come across? This little jewel of encouragement:

"Let us then feel very sure that we can come before God's throne where there is grace. There we can receive mercy and grace to help us when we need it." Hebrews 4:16 NCV And here's what Max has to say: The last two Greek words of that verse are eukairon boetheian. Eukairos means "timely" or "seasonable" or "opportune." Boeheia is a compound of boe, "to shout," and heo, "to run." Nice combination. We shout, and God runs at the right moment. God places himself prior to our need, and just before we encounter that need, he gives us what we need.

My human mind and emotions want to tell me that this is a very stupid thing that I have done. That we are not rich enough to make it for long without my income. That my husband will be furiously angry and want to leave. That our comfy life will fall apart. But what God's word is telling me is that he is my provider, the one who knows my future, the one holding the map.

Even though it seems scary, part of me is excited to see where he will lead me next. We are gonna be okay.

Love, Mama

Family Fun

I have seriously neglected to post much this summer. We have had such fun with our families that I had to post just a few pictures that are too good to keep all to myself. See what a grown up girl you are looking like!?!

Here you are with your BFFs Ainslee and Hattie at Port Aransas. Next summer will be even better if Mommy learns to put on sunscreen...

Here you are with your cousins from our summer trip. Ryan is 11, Miriam is 10, Emerson is 3 and Naomi just turned 1!

Here is the sweet shot of you and Gigi and Grandpa from our most recent trip to Abilene.

And here is your Savtah and Sabba's bunch after our yummy dinner together. You got impatient waiting on us and decided to pick up pine cones out of the landscaping. It is always nice to see everyone!

Deck Remodel by Daddy

After getting an estimate on how much it would cost for a very nice company to do all this work, we decided (with some shock and disgust) that $7,000 was a LOT more than we were willing to pay. So your Daddy got busy this summer to make our average backyard deck look fabulous.
Here are some of my favorite shots to show the progress:

I must say that you loved being his helper. This project meant that Daddy spent a lot of time outside working by himself. I was totally NOT helpful. I constantly informed him that I just wanted to get to the part where I got to buy accessories. He did about 80% of the work all alone. (Though we are SUPER thankful for the day that Jason came to help him build the foundation for the second section.)
First he started by ripping off the rails and extending the original portion of our deck to make it about 4 feet longer. This required moving the hot tub AND the rock foundation that he had JUST put in for it last year. But it also allowed us to save a lot of money by keeping most of the original section and just replacing the boards that needed it.

Then he added a brand new section that extended another 20 feet toward the garage. I have always wanted an area for eating and more chairs for guests. He did such a great job making it perfectly level and spacious. I love it! We bought a simple table and chair set that we both could agree on (mostly we agreed on the price!)


Then it was on to the finishing touch. This stuff is incredible:

It is like Rhino Lining for wood. It covers up blemishes and dings in wood and makes everything smooth and durable. It has a bit of texture but is still comfortable to walk on. You choose the color, so we went neutral to blend with the house exterior. It allowed us to keep the older stained wood but you can't tell the difference between it and the brand new wood.
Here is the Foreman on the job:

And here are some shots of the finished area! I love that Bo put down some beautiful stepping stones and the river rock for contrast. The metal cactus was a great find at a local pottery place and is the one thing that I am sure I cannot underwater. :)



Great job Daddy! We love it!

We Will Never Forget

"Only I can tell you the future before it even happens. Everything I plan will come to pass..." Isaiah 46:10

On September 10, 2001, New York City's beautiful skyline looked like this:

The next morning, this shocked the entire world when it happened:

And before the end of the day, that area that used to be the World Trade Center had now been renamed Ground Zero. It looked like this:


The ten year anniversary of the worst terrorist attack in U.S. history is today. I know that you will think of this as a very distant thing, that you didn't know anyone affected or even see the remnants of the damage. By the time you are old enough to visit NYC, you will probably see a very nice monument or visitor's center, probably covered with flowers and photos that seem out of place.

But when this happened, I was a college student confused about what the impact would be. I had friends that were sure we were going to war (we did) and that they would be drafted into the military (they weren't) and never finish school. I saw the news coverage from our campus center where students gathered and prayed in silence. We asked if anyone had a loved one there in NY, and thankfully no one that I knew did. Classes were cancelled. People left work and stayed home with their families. We all wondered if it would keep happening or if smaller cities would be the next targets. We thought about all the people that were starting off a day like any other, and out of nowhere, their whole world went up in flames and crashed into dust.

I don't write this to you to sound morbid or depressing, but we must continue to honor those that lost their lives that day. Not just the ordinary citizens, but the heroic firefighters who ran into a deadly situation with courage. The police and security workers that tried to lead people out calmly and never got the chance.

The outpouring of prayers and cries to God that day have probably never been matched in this country. I hope that we will consider that our greatest gift to the families still mourning, those who still battle nightmares and depression and emptiness from what they experienced that day. May God bless them and give them comfort. And may we always remember to be thankful, to say I love you, and to make each day one that we can look back on and feel satisfied.

"When they call on me, I will answer. I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation." Psalm 91:15-16

The New Ground Zero Monument

How to Talk to Little Girls

This article has been floating around on the internet for the past week or so, but I was so touched by it that I wanted to make sure I included it on this blog for Cameron. I hope that I have personally learned something from it too.

"How to Talk to Little Girls" by Lisa Bloom

I went to a dinner party at a friend's home last weekend, and met her five-year-old daughter for the first time.

Little Maya was all curly brown hair, doe-like dark eyes, and adorable in her shiny pink nightgown. I wanted to squeal, "Maya, you're so cute! Look at you! Turn around and model that pretty ruffled gown, you gorgeous thing!"

But I didn't. I squelched myself. As I always bite my tongue when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse, which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed/ well-manicured/ well-coiffed they are.

What's wrong with that? It's our culture's standard talking-to-little-girls icebreaker, isn't it? And why not give them a sincere compliment to boost their self-esteem? Because they are so darling I just want to burst when I meet them, honestly.

Hold that thought for just a moment.

This week ABC News reported that nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat. In my book, Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, I reveal that 15 to 18 percent of girls under 12 now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly; eating disorders are up and self-esteem is down; and 25 percent of young American women would rather win America's Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize. Even bright, successful college women say they'd rather be hot than smart. A Miami mom just died from cosmetic surgery, leaving behind two teenagers. This keeps happening, and it breaks my heart.

Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What's missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments.

That's why I force myself to talk to little girls as follows.

"Maya," I said, crouching down at her level, looking into her eyes, "very nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," she said, in that trained, polite, talking-to-adults good girl voice.

"Hey, what are you reading?" I asked, a twinkle in my eyes. I love books. I'm nuts for them. I let that show.

Her eyes got bigger, and the practiced, polite facial expression gave way to genuine excitement over this topic. She paused, though, a little shy of me, a stranger.

"I LOVE books," I said. "Do you?" Most kids do.

"YES," she said. "And I can read them all by myself now!"

"Wow, amazing!" I said. And it is, for a five-year-old. You go on with your bad self, Maya.

"What's your favorite book?" I asked.

"I'll go get it! Can I read it to you?"

Purplicious was Maya's pick and a new one to me, as Maya snuggled next to me on the sofa and proudly read aloud every word, about our heroine who loves pink but is tormented by a group of girls at school who only wear black. Alas, it was about girls and what they wore, and how their wardrobe choices defined their identities. But after Maya closed the final page, I steered the conversation to the deeper issues in the book: mean girls and peer pressure and not going along with the group. I told her my favorite color in the world is green, because I love nature, and she was down with that.

Not once did we discuss clothes or hair or bodies or who was pretty. It's surprising how hard it is to stay away from those topics with little girls, but I'm stubborn.

I told her that I'd just written a book, and that I hoped she'd write one too one day. She was fairly psyched about that idea. We were both sad when Maya had to go to bed, but I told her next time to choose another book and we'd read it and talk about it. Oops. That got her too amped up to sleep, and she came down from her bedroom a few times, all jazzed up.

So, one tiny bit of opposition to a culture that sends all the wrong messages to our girls. One tiny nudge towards valuing female brains. One brief moment of intentional role modeling. Will my few minutes with Maya change our multibillion dollar beauty industry, reality shows that demean women, our celebrity-manic culture? No. But I did change Maya's perspective for at least that evening.

Try this the next time you meet a little girl. She may be surprised and unsure at first, because few ask her about her mind, but be patient and stick with it. Ask her what she's reading. What does she like and dislike, and why? There are no wrong answers. You're just generating an intelligent conversation that respects her brain. For older girls, ask her about current events issues: pollution, wars, school budgets slashed. What bothers her out there in the world? How would she fix it if she had a magic wand? You may get some intriguing answers. Tell her about your ideas and accomplishments and your favorite books. Model for her what a thinking woman says and does.

A Great Time at Great Wolf

Your Grammy loves you so much. She decided that we should have a big family getaway before the summer slips away, so we got to spend three fun days at Great Wolf Lodge in Grapevine. The only downside was that a ten hour roundtrip drive with you sounded like torture. So we decided figured that $350 in plane tickets for a 50 minute flight sounded much better. And you did great! You were super excited to ride on the plane next to Daddy. All the flight attendants thought you were super adorable.

We were totally impressed with Great Wolf Lodge. The indoor waterpark was pretty much all we knew about it, but we were excited to see all the activities available for kids and families. You were a bit to young for some things, but you got in some coloring, story time before bed (in the lobby with their animated puppet things) and you even got a souvenir wolf doll named Violet. You really loved meeting her at story hour.



The waterpark was pretty cool. The little kid pool was only about 2 feet deep so you could run around and try out all the spraying levers and slides. You and Emerson were happy to have each other to play with since the big kids were off in the wave pool and the lazy river. It was all fun since it was a pleasant 85 degrees and no one was getting sunburned!


It had been way too long since we got to be all together with Miriam and Naomi, and look how grown up and cute they look!

Yes, we got complimentary wolf ears for all you kids when we had lunch on our last day. You and Emerson decided they go best with your "HOWL" face...

It always makes Grammy so happy to have all you guys together. And how cute are you and your cousins?



More family pictures to come!