I'm Not Holding the Map

Cameron,
I haven't talked about this much with you, but this past week Mommy left her job. I intended to give two weeks notice so that I had time to job hunt, but they decided otherwise. So last Monday, I packed up all my things that I had accumulated over working there, and I was out the door by 8:45. My only regret is that I didn't really get a chance to say goodbye to anyone since they were in a meeting and didn't know what was happening. Not what I expected after five long years there.

I think because it happened so quickly, I almost didn't have time to get all that upset. I didn't cry, but mostly it is because I had gotten it all out on the weekend. I knew that things were doing downhill really quickly and I was unsure of what to do. I know that your daddy is always very practical and responsible, so the thought of leaving a job without having the next one lined up is just crazy. He was very hesitant, but I think he understands that I am doing my best to find something quickly and not spend money on anything unnecessary.

But what I received on Monday was just what I needed. Not from any person here, but rather through my bible study. This is the prayer that I read from Priscilla Shirer's study called "One in a Million."

God, according to Philippians 4:19 I believe that you will meet all of my needs according to your glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Lord, thank you that you are a shield around me. You are my glory and the lifter of my head (Psalm 3:3). As I journey, Lord, please reveal your love for me that, according to Ephesians 3:17-20, surpasses all knowledge and fills life with your fullness. Thank you for being able to do immeasurably more than I can ask.

Just as we have been studying about the Israelites wandering through the desert, God is leading me off of the path that looks easy and comfortable and asking me to follow him into the wilderness. It is so reassuring to read about how God will never lead me into a place that will not work toward accomplishing his purposes for me. I feel like God has always been faithful to provide a job for me when I needed it, and now it seems that my faith should be revealed as stronger. 1 Peter 1:6-7 says "In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

And then today, I started reading a wonderful new book by Max Lucado. And what do I come across? This little jewel of encouragement:

"Let us then feel very sure that we can come before God's throne where there is grace. There we can receive mercy and grace to help us when we need it." Hebrews 4:16 NCV And here's what Max has to say: The last two Greek words of that verse are eukairon boetheian. Eukairos means "timely" or "seasonable" or "opportune." Boeheia is a compound of boe, "to shout," and heo, "to run." Nice combination. We shout, and God runs at the right moment. God places himself prior to our need, and just before we encounter that need, he gives us what we need.

My human mind and emotions want to tell me that this is a very stupid thing that I have done. That we are not rich enough to make it for long without my income. That my husband will be furiously angry and want to leave. That our comfy life will fall apart. But what God's word is telling me is that he is my provider, the one who knows my future, the one holding the map.

Even though it seems scary, part of me is excited to see where he will lead me next. We are gonna be okay.

Love, Mama