Give Us Beauty for Ashes

Four years ago, I thought that no day could ever be worse than losing my father. And each year, December 23 is always a sad time because we want to remember him and love on my mother, but we still want to enjoy Christmas and celebrate the season with joy. I remember the year that he died, how we took too long to leave San Antonio and only saw him briefly that evening before we left to see more family. But it saved me from being there when he had his heart attack. I don't think I could have recovered had I been there to see it all happen.

Yesterday, I watched the house that my father built burn completely to the ground, and I realized that while it could never compare to losing him, it was just like watching someone die. Someone that had been a part of our family as far back as I can remember. Someone that had been with us in good times and in bad, been the background to all our favorite pictures and memories. Someone that held the last physical reminders of my father.

Watching a house burn is a terribly slow and painful process. When my mother was woken up at 6:18 by the dogs, she thought they wanted to go outside. She opened the door to her little porch and saw smoke and realized there was a fire where her heat lamp stays on for her outside cats. We still aren't sure if this is truly what started it all, but Mom immediately got her two fire extinguishers and tried to put it out. When they ran out, she realized that she could hear crackling sounds up in the walls and roof, and she knew it was too late. She ran to wake us up in the back of the house, and we grabbed Cameron from the next room and ran out of the house. Bo ran back in to grab a few of our bags and realized he didn't even have shoes on. Looking back, we never thought that the whole house would burn, so we waited outside thinking that the firefighters would get there quickly and that most things would be saved. Now we know that we actually had more time and could have probably run back in to grab pictures and expensive jewelry and more of Mom's things. But you just don't think about them all being gone.

Cameron sat patiently in Bo's truck with Mom's little dog. She had no idea why she was up so early. Mom and I stood right outside her patio door and could see the smoke filling up the middle section of the house. She had just purchased and refinished a sofa table and said she was really proud of how it turned out. Since it was so close to the door, we ran in and grabbed it. Then she said how much she loved the enormous wool rug that took up their entire family room. It cost more than my first car! So we ran in and rolled it up too. We listened to my sister make frantic calls to the fire department again asking where they were and that my mother's house is 3600 square feet and would require more trucks than their small volunteer group would have. She begged them to call the Abilene fire department so that they could come assist. They told her no.

The fire trucks finally made it there more than an hour after Mom's first call. At that point, we could see flames jumping up from the roof and shortly after, the middle section of my mother's house, right where the heat lamp was on that small porch, collapsed in. We watched the flames spread to each part of the house and thought specifically about what was then burning up. Mom told us that she didn't have any clothes other than the pajamas on her back. She only had the jewelry she was wearing, but that most of her favorite things from my dad were in a small safe in her bedroom. I realized four hours later that I wasn't wearing my wedding ring either.

It is unbelievable how the biggest things in a home can be reduced to a pile of ashes. How can an entire refrigerator disappear? Where did my mother's beautiful armoire go? The firefighters pulled out a few picture frames and a silver owl piggy bank that had been on a table in her bedroom. It is the only photograph of our childhood that she has now. It has us three girls smiling from the bathtub. They also brought out two of Bo's dress shirts that had been hanging in the back closet. I have no idea why they didn't burn, but my cousin managed to wash one and get out most of the soot stains.

We all gathered over at my grandparent's house which unfortunately had a prime view of the fire as it lasted well into the afternoon. We made sure to get on Skype and tell Amy and Mina the news before we told anyone else. We all were still in shock, and just kept asking why it had to happen on this day, of all the days. Mom was so strong and gracious to the firefighters that literally just stood by and watched it burn. They said it was unsafe to go in the house to try to put it out, so they just sprayed a little water from the outside to make sure it collapsed in on itself and didn't start a brushfire.

Friends and family members were quick to respond with help. People brought clothes and toiletries, huge amounts of food, and cash for mom. We let our CBC family know how they could help, and we were astonished to hear that within just a few hours of asking, they had collected $5,500 to transfer to her account. We cried in Target. I told mom that one friend had given $1,000 and she replied that she had never even met him. We were overwhelmed with their generosity and so thankful that God has surrounded us with such loving Christians.

The Red Cross came to give her a debit card for immediate clothing and food expenses. Since we were in the house at the time of the fire, they provided money for four people so it was an amazing total of $875. Her insurance company gave her a check for around $1500 to take care of living expenses for the next two weeks. We knew that we had to make a fast shopping trip to get things for her, but it was the most depressing shopping spree ever. We started at Kohl's where she had to pretty much buy herself everything from underwear to a new suitcase. Picking out clothes wasn't fun at all because it was too hard to compare everything to the things she lost and missed. We kept thinking of things that were now gone. Rachael suggested that Mom just buy pants that fit in the waist and she could hem up the bottoms, but the sewing machines were now ashes. She said that Mom could borrow her sister's machine, but it had unfortunately been in mom's dining room too. Mom lamented that she had spent hours making her fabulous biscotti to give to everyone. And now she couldn't make more because her expensive stand mixer was gone too.

We left Kohl's with a whole trunk full of bags. The receipt said that she "saved" over $750 in sales and discounts. She even had a 30% off coupon! The cashier remarked that it looked like she was starting over.... All she said back was, "I am." She didn't have the heart to buy many shoes at Dillards. We have always loved shoe shopping together, but it is hard to do when you feel like you have to. She loved the shoes that she already had. Target was last and we had to buy every kind of toiletry item for all four of us. We didn't grab anything out of the bathroom. Bo even had to get a new electric razor (though I think he is enjoying his beard). It was odd to buy nail clippers and lotions and realize that I no longer had a bag to keep them all in. We headed home exhausted and quiet.

I had Mom make a quick stop at a Christian book store so that I could buy her a new bible. I found one with a hot pink leather cover that has side by side translations of the NIV and the Message. I highlighted Isaiah 61:3 for her too:

"...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. "