No Pictures Please! But pass the pie....

You have been such a sweetheart on so many excursions over the past few days. We have to do everything in short spurts, so I am trying not to test you too much, but you have been great. We even made it to church on Sunday and you slept the whole time. (That is not a reflection on the teaching...) But last night we tried to get your pictures taken by a very dear friend of ours, and you were completely uncooperative! You were supposed to have your bottle and go right back to sleep. Apparently, you are not as photogenic when you are awake because you are constantly looking in the wrong direction and wiggling just as the camera clicks. But you refused to go to sleep! We tried everything... Daddy walking around, Mommy shushing and rocking you... You were simply not feeling it. Hopefully we got a few good ones and we are planning to do Part 2 on Sunday when we get back from visiting the family for Thanksgiving.

I cannot say how thankful we are for you, Sweet Girl. I cannot believe that tomorrow you will be a month old! You are already so much bigger and more active. Your daddy keeps telling me (since he is usually not good about putting things in writing) how much he adores you and wishes he could be home with you all the time. He is so amazed at what a little miracle you are and is so tender and gentle with you. I love to watch him talk softly and cuddle you up. It makes me so thankful that I have such a helping partner in this, such a wonderful encourager and strong family man. Just eight years ago we were two crazy teenagers dating! And look what we did together - you turned out just perfect.

I keep catching myself just admiring how beautiful and intricate you are with those long fingers. Someday those hands will want to do everything on their own. Someday they will not need me to hold them, and someday they will hold on to a good man of your own. Someday, I might even be ready to let go, but not today. Today I want to hold them tight and just be thankful that they are still tiny and holding onto me.

Mommy Time

Yesterday, your daddy did the sweetest thing for me. He arranged for a friend to meet me for dinner, and he took care of you all by himself for a few hours! I had a bottle waiting at home in the fridge, so we loaded up and met him at his office around 4:30, then he drove you home and let me be carefree for just a little bit. I had a wonderful dinner at Pei Wei, and since we were in a little shopping center, I ran to a few stores to see if I spotted any potential Christmas presents.

And what did I come home with? A couple of new outfits for you! Your daddy said he expected me to pick something out for myself, but you were really the only thing on my mind. Even being away from you for just those few hours, I was thinking about you and wondering how you were. I know your daddy is a pro and loves you to pieces, but I am beginning to understand that feeling of constant concern over your baby. As much as I complain about the hours when I can't be more than 20 feet from you, when I finally get the chance, that's exactly where I wish I was. How's it feel to be the boss over two grown adults, little one?

Take Your Daughter to Work Day

Apparently someone called Cameron and informed her that Mommy had written a very sad blog about her, and convinced her to give me a better day today. Ainslee, your letter most certainly had a part in it! Because today was a thousand times better than the other day. We made it out of the house before 1:00 p.m. and spent quite an extended amount of time out on the town!

We had to go by my office to fill out some quick paperwork, and it was so nice to see everyone and let them all gaze adoringly at Cameron. As much as I think she is perfectly gorgeous, it is nice to have it confirmed by others. :) A few of my co-workers even got to hold her, and she was a quiet little angel the whole time. Then we headed over to Babies R Us. Then for the icing on the cake, we ran over to Daddy's office so he could show Cameron off to everyone there. They had all seen her birth announcement, but said that she is more beautiful in person. Most of them agreed that she looks like Bo, especially since her hair is starting to look more red. I can't wait for it to get longer and really pop!

Since we were on such a roll, we decided to hang around town and buy a few Christmas presents and eat dinner in a real sit-down restaurant! Granted, I was paranoid the whole time that she was going to have a meltdown, but Daddy just held her for a little while and the pacifier put her right to sleep. We did great! I was so proud of her and so thankful for a day that made me feel more like a real person rather than a mommy hermit!

You Scream, I Cry (No Ice Cream Involved)

Today is one of those days of motherhood that nobody likes to talk about. I didn't get dressed until 3:00 because Cameron would scream at me the moment I put her down. She was eating fine, would have her diaper changed, and then peacefully go to sleep. On my chest. But the moment I tried to put her in her playpen, on the couch, in her bouncer seat, in her crib.... Screaming! For lunch, I ate a bowl of cereal with her screaming at me. I took a shower crying because I could hear her screaming at me from the other room. Why all this screaming?

The house is a mess. Last night I tried to be sweet and let your daddy take a nap when he got home from work. He has been taking over your 1 a.m. feeding so I can sleep until 4, but since he had to work all weekend (Saturday was clinic duty and Sunday he was a Triage Coordinator for the finish line of the Rock & Roll Marathon here in town) he has been so exhausted. I feel like I have been quarantined with a tiny person who doesn't speak - just screams. So last night I tried to make some tortilla soup, and it comes in a handy little kit at our grocery store. Pre-chopped ingredients, idiot-proof instructions. But because Daddy wanted to take a nap, we didn't eat when it would have been ready. I was feeding Cameron and all of a sudden smelled something burning... The entire soup had cooked down to nothing and all of the meat and vegetables was burnt to a crisp at the bottom of the pot. We had Taco Cabana instead.

I need to go to my happy place - Macy's. (The store, not my old college friend's house...) What do you wear when your maternity pants don't fit and you certainly don't fit into your pre-baby wardrobe? Is it worth it to spend money on things that you really hope you won't be wearing two months from now? And can someone please tell me where to find nursing bras that you don't absolutely hate? I own five - hate them all.

The only bright spot is that I got to get online for a few minutes (mostly to look at our bank account) and got a touching message from Beth Moore's daughter on their blog. I think I am trying to put so much of my hope in other things - baby books, my family members, my own determination to survive this thing called motherhood... And the truth is that my hope belongs only in Christ. I love the image of her son with his "red banoon." Go check it out for an uplift if you could use one.

Can't Get Enough Cameron

Well, when I take this long between posts, you know there is going to be a lot to catch up on! Your Grammy came and stayed with us for almost a whole week and it was so nice to have her here. We ventured out for a few trips but mostly just enjoyed being home with you. She is so calm and sweet to you, you did just about everything without crying. The most encouraging thing she told me was not to be disappointed in myself if we don't accomplish a lot each day. It is hard on me to be home with no motivation to get dressed or put on makeup. So we are going to make every effort to get out of the house each day, even if it is just for a few minutes. She said that those days when you are fussy and all I do is hold you, just to cherish them. She stayed home with your aunts and me, and she said she wouldn't trade those days for anything. Makes me teary eyed just to type it, but it was so much what I needed to hear when she was heading back home.

We have had visitors every few days still bringing us meals. On Friday night, Mrs. Cara brought Ainslee over with her and we tried to have a nice quiet meal. TRIED. Ainslee gave your bedroom the once (maybe twice) over, which gave us the real picture of what that room will have to withstand in eleven more months. She was all over the place, and has a very strong determination to get to whatever things you have tried to keep out of her reach. Our one Baby Einstein video didn't amuse her long enough for us all to eat, but we managed. We decided that Cara is going to have her hands full when Ainslee is really up and running, and that two kids feels more like five.

You have been such a sweet girl this past week. Your daddy still can't believe you are over two weeks old! He gave you your first bath and I actually think you liked it! You didn't cry at all and really enjoyed being snuggled up in your towel afterwards. I love the smell of your Burt's Bees lotion and think I will make it part of our routine to slather you down after your bath times so your skin stays nice and soft. We are even starting to catch pictures of your funny habits:


You refuse to sleep with your arms tucked in or your hands covered. The only bad part is that they get cold at night and sometimes you touch your face and wake yourself up!

And you really like to sleep on your tummy! You don't get to do it often because now all the books warn against the dangers of suffocation. But when I was a baby, doctors told moms to put babies on their stomachs to sleep. And I liked to stick my butt up in the air, just like you! We have loved seeing you grow and be more alert every day. You are so precious to us, and we can't get enough of you!

what day is it?

Here is how the average twenty-four hours gets used up in my life lately:

8 hours - breastfeeding
5 hours - putting Cameron to sleep
2 hours - complaining/worrying about breastfeeding
2 hours - changing diapers
2 hours - me eating as fast as possible
1 hour - driving back and forth from shortest excursions possible
1 hour - buying basic groceries or Dr. appointments
1 hour - laundry or picking up the house
1 hour - bathing/brushing teeth or hair/dressing/caring what I look like....
1 hour - staring at Cameron sleeping/wondering what to do with her

Hence why the days go by in a blur. Today we had to go back to the hospital for a second PKU test - basically they prick her heel and test for all kinds of inherited disorders and it is state required. The hospital took forever to go through all our paperwork again. She did pretty well and only cried for a minute. It is just about unbearable to have to hold her while you know she is hurting and let her scream in your ear.

The upside to the hospital visit is that we had a brief consultation with the breastfeeding experts in the lactation center. I wish I could say that I left with a complete sense of confidence and that all of the things I was having problems with are magically fixed, but that would be saying a lot for one hour with one lady. Hopefully we will just keep practicing and see how it goes. Everyone keeps telling me that if you can just hang in there for the first three weeks, that it gets easier. We are almost to two! And her weight is just continuing to go up - today she weighed 8 lbs. 6 oz! Apparently my milk is high in fat content, which I attribute to all the yummy desserts that friends keep bringing us. Wouldn't it be nice if all the fat was going to her and just skipping over me? I think I am going to try and get some sleep and stay focused on that pleasant dream....

Savta the Servant

Another week is upon us! You are eleven days old and are getting more beautiful every day. Apparently you smiling at such a young age is astounding because we have gotten lots of comments about how brilliant you are going to be. Or maybe it just means that you will be a total Daddy's girl, since you save most of those smiles for him. Mommy gets the "I'm really hungry!" cry mostly.

From Thursday to Sunday of this past weekend, your Savta (that's Hebrew for Grandma) and Uncle Jordan were here visiting. I am sorry to say that their time here seemed to be when I was most emotionally out-of-whack, so they got to see me at my crying best. But things seem to be a bit better now and I have to say that I am really starting to have less pain and be more excited about getting up and going. Your daddy's mom is very much a servant, never demanding or selfish, always looking for ways to help. I think she cleaned almost our entire house while she was here. It is hard for me to ask for help of others, so she just did the little things that she thought would be nice for us. She even cleaned the shower in OUR bathroom. Jordan kept himself busy with Joe Dog and the Wii. He was determined to break all the high scores that Bo had set up so far, and now Bo is determined to go back and beat them all again... Ahh, brothers.

So here you are with Savta and Jordan!

One Week Old Already!

You are such a good girl! Yesterday we had your first checkup with the pediatrician, and you were up 3 oz. from your birth weight! They said you are obviously a healthy eater and are doing great. You don't have to go back until you are two months old!

The bad news is that Daddy had to go back to work today. We definitely missed having him home with us since his mom and brother Jordan are here visiting. Saturday cannot get here fast enough. When he came home this afternoon, he wanted to hold you and cuddle you... and then he took a nap! He was exhausted from having to be alert all day long after waking up with us every few hours. I guess we will have to start taking more time for just us at night so he can sleep more. That just means Mommy has to work harder to sleep when you are sleeping so she won't be exhausted. But you did give him that big smile when he was talking to you. You were so excited to hear his voice.

I cannot believe a whole week has gone by since you were born! Just a week ago, I still had a big giant tummy with these kicking me from the inside:

You have some seriously big feet, Little Princess!

It's all about the O's

You are all cuddled up in your cupcake jammies and we are trying out Mommy's sling for the first time. So glad you could help me out on this blog post! Yesterday will always be a historic day for multiple reasons:
1. Your cousin Owen was born in Mineral Wells around 1:00 am. I believe he weighed in at 7 lbs. 5 oz. and was 20 inches long. So similar to you! His daddy Brent sent your daddy a picture on his cell phone and we hear that he is adorable. We can't wait for you guys to get together over the holidays! We will be praying for him, his mommy Desiree, and Brent that they will get lots of good rest and be in great health as they head home soon.

2. You had your first major barf on mommy. After feeding you an early dinner, you seemed to be a bit uncomfortable and I thought your tummy was feeling a little bit hard. We did some tummy exercises where you bend and straighten your legs to sort of force the gas out, but then I made the mistake of turning you onto your tummy on my chest. OOPS! You threw up all down my shirt, and it was a seriously gooey mess. Not liquidy at all! The problem was that I only had one small burp cloth, so I had to holler for Daddy to run and get more, and as soon as he saw me, we both started laughing so hard that my stomach muscles are still sore today. The more we laughed, the funnier it seemed that he was leaving me stranded and only wanted to clean you off! I don't want to imagine how I would have stood up to take care of it if he wasn't here...

3. And finally, the biggest reason people will remember yesterday is that we elected Barack Obama to be our next President. I really enjoyed this blog post from Beth Moore about the historic day. Especially this scripture, Daniel 2:21, "God sets up kings and deposes them and gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning." God is not surprised by the outcome, and God has plans and purposes already in the works for our nation. I think in my heart, I knew he would win, but could not bring myself to vote for someone that supported partial-birth abortion. I know that it is not the biggest issue that most Americans are dealing with, and I don't really think that McCain would have made huge leaps in eliminating abortions either. I truly hope and pray that Obama will start to make changes that positively affect our economy, our international relations, and a better living situation for people across our country. Every leader of our nation deserves respect and prayer, and that is what we will give him.

I'm Learning You

Sweet Girl,
We are so madly in love with you. I could just stare at you for hours. We are learning little funny things about you every day. You have become quite the Houdini and always manage to wriggle your little arms free. You constantly want to have them up near your face, but you don't seem to scratch yourself or hurt anything. We just cave in and let them hang loose as long as your legs stayed wrapped up nice and tight. You really love to sleep on your tummy, but we are paranoid since we read that you are only supposed to sleep on your back. Sometimes Daddy and I like to let you rest on our chest, and that "skin to skin" time is our favorite thing in the world. You curl your little feel up and seem to wrap your arms wide around us in a big hug. It's too cute for words.

You seem to be a really happy baby, easy to console and not too fussy. We are trying to learn your signals to figure out what you need right away. Once you eat or get your diaper changed, you just stare up at us with those big gorgeous eyes and sigh a little sigh of contentment. You seem to be a really good eater, but we haven't quite gotten into a really consistent pattern. I think we should get better as the weeks go by, but it is a tricky thing - this breastfeeding. I wish I had some sort of setting that I could program so that I would make just enough milk to feed you and that it would somehow magically get to your tummy at a perfectly scheduled time. You know, like a Milk DVR!

We have been so blessed to have friends come to visit us in the evenings and bring dinner. I never really understood how much of a wonderful gift it is to new parents, since I can't drive anywhere and am not really feeling up to cooking much. Sunday night we were visited by the Pools, and last night a friend from Daddy's work came and dropped off a yummy casserole. I must confess that I was previously a picky eater, but now am so thankful for leftovers. The hours seem to go by so quickly since all we are thinking about is you! Usually, I realize about 1:00 that we have to eat too, and then we scarf it down as fast as possible. Today, your daddy spent the afternoon with you (playing Wii College Football) so that I could take a nice long shower and fix my hair. Oh, the little joys. And in true romance style, he vacuumed the floor. I love that guy.

Well, time to get you up and going again. Who knows when I will get a chance to sit down and do this again? We are in a bit of a bubble. It's even Election Day and we haven't cared a bit. We decided to vote early since we didn't know when you would make your arrival. This will be quite the historic election, and we wanted you to see that having a voice in the government is always important. Something tells me that having an opinion will never be difficult for you!