Love, Loss, and What I Wore

Cameron, is that the greatest title of a book ever or what? I just read the most interesting article about it, and was completely enthralled. The book is a sort of memoir, recalling the big events in her life with sketches and pictures of the clothing that she remembers in perfect detail. There are just certain outfits that women feel different about, that we think somehow define who we are at that moment. And to be perfectly honest, I even have a few outfits of yours that I will treasure as special for little moments in your first year. I even bought you outfits last month to wear for your birthday party and your birthday photo shoot.

So here, in random order, are the top five outfits that hold a special memory for me.

1. My wedding dress. Girls dream of their wedding day, spend ridiculous amounts of money and time to plan it, and think that their life truly begins once they have lived through the ritual of a wedding. I dreamed of a very metropolitan, elegant affair with fine china but our setting (little old Abilene) and budget dictated a much more modest soiree. Knowing that I wanted to be able to comfortably dance at the reception, I chose a dress with a shorter train and no extra layers of puffy ruffles to make the skirt larger. Searching through magazines, I decided that I wanted a more traditional dress with a strapless sweetheart neckline, intricate lace overlays, and a "candlelight" color that would compliment my skin more than stark white. I loved it from the second I tried it on and my mom happily paid $600 for it, a steal compared to the thousand(s!) dollar couture gowns we saw on TV. Your Daddy said that it was the most beautiful that I had ever looked. Even now, when I look back at the pictures, I think it was completely perfect and love the memory of how it felt to wear it.

2. The summer between my junior and senior years of high school, I decided the perfect job would be to work as a lifeguard. I landed a job at a country club in a very wealthy part of town and was told I could wear whatever suit I wanted as long as it wasn't a bikini, rather than the standard red suit that says "lifeguard." (Besides, Baywatch totally ruined those for people with real breasts anyway.) I wore a tankini just long enough to fit the rules, but still left a little line of tummy showing, which incidentally left me with odd tan lines. But I loved having that deep tan, flirting with older boys who were lifeguards too. I lived in that suit all summer long and remember being totally flattered when someone told me that I had a "cute figure." And on my first day as a senior, I decided to show off my tan in a skimpy tank top that totally violated the school dress code. I guess I figured no one would send me home on the first day! Looking back, I have no idea why my mother let me get away with it... But I felt like I was more grown up and attractive, finally out of that awkward phase and turning into a woman.

3. I remember packing my black velvet dress in case we had a fancy dinner that trip or maybe wearing it on Christmas Eve to church. It was knee length and had three-quarter sleeves with lace trim, and I remember thinking that it was flattering without seeming overtly sexy or trying too hard. When my father passed away so unexpectedly, I ended up wearing it to his funeral instead. It was so cold and windy that day that I had to put my hair back tightly, but it kept falling out anyway. I knew I would never be able to wear that dress again without thinking of that day, and how we buried my father in jeans, a t-shirt, and a leather motorcycle vest rather than a stuffy suit he would have hated. I still have it in my closet, but haven't looked at it in years.

4. Six years of my schooling were pretty much dictated by a version of one outfit - my cheerleading uniform. Worn on game days (even though it also completely violated the school dress code), I got to be one of the very few girls who were part of this group. We had a whole pep rally to plan, supposedly to inspire the football players to victory, but mostly to avoid class and enjoy people cheering for us. Each year, we ordered new uniforms, always purple and white and yellow (never the shiny gold), and I remember the year when we finally got the "flyaway" skirt. It basically had slits up to the hips so that the flaps laid together to appear like a skirt, but gave you more movement and freedom for stunts. We just thought it was cuter, and got to order different bloomers, the "boyshorts." Those ten girls probably made a few others jealous, but I remember my small group of friends (all non-cheerleaders) and how I didn't really feel popular at all. It mostly just made me feel like a basketcase because I would continually show up with the wrong uniform on. White was for home games and purple was for away games, but for the pep rally we wore the opposite. I was always having to go get a pass, leave school and drive home to change. It became such a pattern that eventually I would pack both all the time. I often wondered how in the world I kept getting voted in (by the entire school) since I seemed like a big nerd masquerading as the cool captain that I appeared to be.

5. One of the best perks of joining a sorority is the chance to dress up and go to a fancy party. Every spring, we had our formal dinner to say goodbye to graduating members and officially welcome in the newest pledge class. My junior year, I found a slinky black dress that was completely beaded with the most gorgeous floral pattern in red, turquoise, and gold. I wore smoky eye makeup, bold red lipstick and a red rose pinned into my hair to complete my "sexy senorita" outfit. I was President of my sorority that year and wanted to look like a total knockout. After the banquet program, we cleared out the floor to dance and have fun, and I of course ditched the high-heeled black shoes that were so uncomfortable. Unfortunately, my dress was suddenly dragging on the floor. In front of everyone, I was busting a move, stepped on the hem and the beads slid like crazy on the hardwood floor. I fell flat on my back and burst out laughing. My friends rushed to help me up, but I was too embarrassed to dance after that. I took a breather and left to start the after-party a little early. :)