Here are some truths that I thought I would share for those that fully understand and those that haven't the slightest idea what it is like being a coach's wife….
1. You are the sounding board. When they win, he wants to talk about it. When they lose, he wants to talk about it. Game nights are late and exhausting but his mind is still racing anyway. Even after a victory, he is thinking about the next opponent.
2. That's why it is so wonderful to him that you understand at least the basics of the game and can intelligently discuss it. He doesn't want you to tell him what to do, just not sound like an idiot when he explains routes and defensive strategies and role players. Bonus points if you take your interest to the next level and get your own fantasy football team.
3. Sometimes your own children will suffer because he is focused on mentoring and coaching other people's children. This is not a dig at their parenting skills in any way, but if your coach is like my coach, he still sees opportunities to teach his players character and faith and the value of positivity while you put in hard work. He will spend thousands of hours with students in the course of one school year, and some weeks he may only see his children for 30 minutes before bed each night.
4. You will have to inevitably deal with overbearing (usually well-meaning) parents that think your coach doesn't understand how to best utilize their child in their sport. I have had parents interrupt my husband while he was literally holding one baby and had another practically hanging off his leg by asking him if it was a good time to talk about their own child's amount of playing time. There are also the parents that refuse to believe that their angelic descendant is completely incapable of being disrespectful, lazy, stupid, or below par in any way. This will either make you realize the kind of parent that you absolutely DO NOT want to be when your own children play sports or you will turn into the biggest monster of them all.
5. You will accept at some point that you will never be rich. Public school teachers are never in it for the money. He may find his way into bigger schools or more administrative positions, but you will never have the earning potential of those in the business world. Unless you completely sacrifice both of your careers to the gods of sport (thereby probably moving every few years to climb the ladder), your coach will probably not make it to a level greater than high school. Large college and professional coaching positions are few and far between, and you will probably know early on in your marriage if you plan on chasing that dream. Heaven help you if you are married to one of those coaches.
6. Unless you are also a teacher or coach yourself, you will have to endure a short span of 8 - 10 weeks each summer when you must pretend to be happy for your spouse to not have to go to work. You will still get up early and drudge to work while he plans golf games and sleeps in. This is just as difficult for me as it is for him to just not be home during September entirely.
7. You will learn to stop buying your coach expensive and/or fancy clothes. He may need the occasional dress shirt and khaki pants, but odds are he will turn his nose up at the words "suit and tie." He will need a new pair of tennis shoes every six months but he can keep the same pair of brown dress shoes for decades. Your laundry room will be filled with athletic shorts and moisture-wicking shirts that you can thankfully hang up to dry and never iron. If he stays at the same school for a long period of time, his closet will be almost entirely two colors. Better hope it is a flattering color palette for the both of you.
8. There will always be turnover. You will see friends move away to take better jobs. You will enjoy getting to know certain families only to have them leave after a year or two. Some coaches' wives form intense bonds with their own kind because they don't have long enough to really make any other friends. You hope and pray that your husband has support and friendships with the other members of the staff. You love to hear stories of camaraderie and brotherhood (occasionally displayed through pranks and mild hazing) because you know you could never get away with any of that stuff in a tax office.
9. But there will be people that your coach will love and remember forever, both players and co-workers alike. It is always touching to have students come back years later and share their successes with gratitude for your coach's influence. My coach proudly wears t-shirts from universities all over the county that his students have attended. He still has former co-workers that he calls up for advice and reassurance. He has learned the type of leadership that he admires and plans to emulate when he is someday in charge of an entire staff.
10. You will love and admire your coach for teaching his athletes how to give their all and display honorable character, win or lose. You will be able to tell him with complete honesty that you respect him for all the effort he pours in. You will beam with pride when parents tell you how much they appreciate your coach for leading their child by example. And you will be thankful that his love of sports gives him a love of teaching others.
