Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

My love,
I feel guilty that we have not been with you for nearly as many hours the last few days.  Daddy had some mandatory trainings that he needed to be at for work, and since Mommy can't drive, I have been dependent on someone to get me back and forth to the hospital.  We were very fortunate to have my mom and sisters visiting, but since we can only take two people into the NICU at a time, we haven't been able to take all the kids with us.  I have definitely spent more time in the evenings with you, and it is a much needed time to recharge my batteries and remember what we are patiently waiting and praying for - that you will just come home.

The doctors have slowly been removing more and more tubes from you.  Saturday night they removed the feeding tube that was in your nose since you were now eating a 50 milliliter bottle every three hours or so.  Mommy is also pumping for you every three hours, so we make sure to properly store everything just as the hospital instructed and replenish your supply every day.  It is going well and you have an abundance waiting for when your appetite really kicks in.

You briefly had an IV inserted in your foot for a short round of antibiotics, but I think that it was taken out today.  You are still on an oral medicine that will help lower your bilirubin (which is still making your skin a shade of yellowy green) but most of the doctors have told us that it will just take your system time to work it out and that your healthy appetite is a good sign.

Late Saturday evening, your Aunt Rachael and I had a great time keeping you company.  We arrived just after you had a bottle, so we were happy to just hold you and enjoy watching you sleep.  Your sweet little lips kept opening and closing, and you kept tucking in your bottom lip to make silly faces.  No matter what we tried to do to tickle or rouse you, you were totally zonked out!  About 10:30, I couldn't wait anymore and started to unwrap you from all your blankets so we could get you dressed in your first clothes from home.  We picked an adorable soft onesie with a monkey on it!  When you finally woke up, we had a good chat with a hematologist that was consulting on your case, and he reassured us that even though your antibodies' status is unusual, that you were born just in time and are slowly making great progress.

Sunday evening, we decided to break the rules a bit and sneak your sister in with us, even though it is supposed to only be two visitors at a time.  I guess one of the nurses more familiar with us had told your daddy that we could probably be overlooked for a short visit.  Sure enough, we got a bit of resistance when we arrived, but they gave in since we promised to be short.  Cameron was so excited to see you and she even wore a fancy dress and her big sister necklace.  We kept telling her to use a quiet voice because there are so many other babies and apparently she interpreted that to mean she could just tiptoe and still talk loudly!

We had a great time getting to hold you and Daddy even gave you a bottle later in the evening.  You seem to sleep almost all the time we are there except for when you are eating!  The nurses have told us that you are pretty laid back, eating slowly and not fussing much.  The brief occasions when I heard you cry lasted for maybe 10 seconds before you were worn out and gave up.  You do seem to really love your big green pacifier and I am happy to already have more of them waiting for you at home!

Still no word on a departure time, but Daddy and I are about to head up to see you in just a little while.  We have missed you so much today!  Mommy went to my doctor to have my tummy taken care of, so hopefully I will start to feel much better in just a few days.  Other than pumping every three hours, I am getting pretty good sleep.  I think I will be very grateful to be waking up in the middle of the night as long as it means you are there with me.

Here are a few more pictures from our last visits...  We love you so much!

First Kisses from Your Big Sister

Almost a whole family portrait!

Weekend Pictures with Rhys

Late Night Dinner Date with Mom 

Pacis aren't for Sharing

This silly monkey shirt calls for a serious face.  First real clothes!

First Bottle with Daddy

Sunday Lunch Date

Check out my Muscles, Dad!

First Diaper Duty (many more to come)

The Days Go By....

Hello my handsome,
The last few days have been an exercise in patience for Mommy and Daddy.  Friday morning I was surprised to hear that I was being discharged from the hospital.  I was hoping they might give me an extra day of grace so I could be closer to you, but apparently every room in the post partum area was full and there were more mommies waiting in labor & delivery, so they really needed us to move out.  We were fortunate to have friends that have navigated the NICU experience before us, and they suggested that we ask about "rooming in" where we basically pay for a room just so we can cut out the commute from home.  The nurses told us about a Family Room that they have at the NICU entrance, which was actually free for us to use and is made available on a greatest need basis.  So we packed up and headed out of our room at 11:00 and moved in to the NICU.

To be honest, the daytime hours passed pretty easily.  We weren't able to nap much since it only had a twin bed and a recliner but it did make it simple to pump your milk and just walk it 10 feet to the nurses.  The real struggle was when we tried to sleep later that evening.  We were excited to be able to hold you more and hear that your tests were indicating improvement, but by the end of the day were were just exhausted.  Daddy was happy to sleep on the twin bed since he had been crashing on the futon for the previous two nights.  I did not fare so well in the recliner.  So the next morning, we were feeling a little down and had gotten a bit of a discouraging report from one of your doctors.  There are certainly lots of doctors who have talked with us about your stats (and most of the time I can't remember their names) but some of them are better about putting things in terms we understand and giving us a positive outlook.  Thankfully, we have our sweet friend Dr. Keith who has served as a bit of a translator and encourager when we are confused by the numbers or unsure of certain procedures.  He told us again that you just need time to work things out of your system, but that you are still making great progress eating and gaining weight, so we should not be worried about each little test.  Your overall demeanor is great and we will be happy to wait for each day's changes, even if they are small.

Fortunately, we took the advice of one of your best nurses and we gave ourselves a break on Saturday to head home for a bit.  I was desperate to take a shower and sleep in a real bed for a while.  We were so excited to hear that your Grandpa and Gigi made a special trip from Abilene just to come see you and Cameron.  They brought you a ton of cute outfits and an adorable pair of Sperry's just like Daddy wears.  He was so excited for you to be matching boys!  They also brought you presents from our friends Charles & Judy as well as your Gigi's parents and sister.  You got your first Under Armour outfit, some fun toys and bath towels, and tons of comfy onesies and jammies.  You are going to be so handsome!

Cameron was very excited to have a little time to just focus on her since Grandpa & Gigi brought her a present too.  She got her very first Barbies and a swimming pool for them!  She even got two new necklaces from Daddy since he felt like she hadn't had a lot of time with him lately.  One was a tiny heart with rhinestones all over it (her fancy big sister necklace) and then he got a silly one with a rainbow striped mustache on it.  Cameron thought they were very special and wore the one with the heart right away.  We have been very proud of her for being patient when we have not been home with her much lately.

We know that feeling refreshed and relieved will help us be more attentive and focused on taking the best care of you, so I am going to get a bit more rest and write more later.  We had a very special date that I want to make sure I don't forget.

Love you,
Mama

Look How Far We've Come

First Day in the NICU

First Picture with Daddy

First Snuggle Time with Mommy

Holding Your Own Paci

Here in a Hurry, Rhys Man

My darling Rhys,
You made your arrival to the world yesterday, July 24 at 2:58 pm in what was quite a surprise turn to your mommy and daddy.  You were 18.5 inches long and weighed in at 6 lbs. 2 oz (with adorable little ears and your daddy's long skinny feet).  As much as I had dreamed about your arrival and wished it would be soon, I must say that you made it clear that you needed to get here in a hurry and we are truly thankful for a discerning doctor.

Yesterday I was scheduled for a routine visit at 11:15 with my doctor, and since I wasn't feeling like much had changed, I honestly told my co-workers that I hated to go, be told nothing was happening, and just have to come back in a week.  Our brief visit was almost over when he asked me if I had felt you moving much, and when I thought about it, I realized that I hadn't.  He said just to be cautious that he wanted to monitor your heartbeat for a little while, so we switched rooms and they hooked me up.  For some reason, your heartbeat was difficult to track for very long, and it didn't have as many ups and downs as he expected.  His exact words were, "I am not impressed" and he wanted me to immediately go to the hospital (just down the street) and have a more in depth monitoring where they would do a sonogram to see your movements as well as tracking your heartbeat.

To be perfectly honest, I told your daddy not to worry and that he didn't need to come to the hospital yet.  He was enjoying some golf with some fellow football coaches and I sort of felt like insisting that he come would somehow turn the afternoon into a big affair.  I suppose it was my way of keeping myself calm and trying to be in control of the situation.  So I headed in for the second round of monitoring and hoped that it would be good results.

After 30 minutes of watching you on the sonogram and tracking your heartbeat, both of my nurses did not seem pleased.  My amniotic fluid was low, which was probably restricting your movement and adding stress.  Your heart rate actually dipped very low at one point when I had a contraction (which I didn't feel at all) because without the surrounding fluid it just contracted right on you, sweetheart.  When the nurses passed along the info to my doctor, he was very concerned and came to speak to me in person.   He said he did not think you would tolerate labor and that we needed to get you out immediately.

He was already preparing to do another c-section and wanted me prepped and ready immediately so that he could make sure you were okay.  I felt like it wasn't supposed to happen in such a frantic way and your poor daddy got another phone call and had to drop everything and come as fast as he could.  Even Grammy got a surprise call when I only had a second to explain the situation to her.  All she said was, "Okay, I am coming!"

The nurses got me checked in and dressed quickly and I didn't even get to see Bo before going into the operating room.  They kept assuring me that he would be escorted back as soon as he arrived, but eventually, my doctor didn't even want to wait for my epidural to finish kicking in and they decided to just put me completely under and intubate me.  Unfortunately, when that decision was made, Daddy wasn't allowed to even come in the room.  He said he was so worried, stuck out in the hallway, and only got to see you as they whisked by on their way to the NICU.

But here is the beauty of the story, the truth that makes it evident to me that you are our miracle protected by God.  We were told today that your condition was so serious, that had we not caught onto the problems and taken quick action, even a few more days passing could have resulted in us losing you.  Had I tried to have a standard delivery, your body might not have been able to handle the stress.  It was truly God's hand that orchestrated me having a seemingly routine visit and a stirring in mine and my doctor's hearts to make sure you were fine.  So many things could have been different in a tiny way and had a tragic result.

Here you are, my little bear, fighting and getting stronger.  You had a dangerously low amount of red blood cells due to a rare problem of my antibodies not matching up to yours.  You also had to be intubated and put on high oxygen levels, as well as put under 5 lamps to try to lower your bilirubin count.  It broke my heart to see you with so many tubes and cords stuck all over you because I just wanted to hold you in my arms and cuddle you close to me.  So far, I have only been able to touch you one time.

But in the words of our dear friend Dr. Keith, all the things you are up against are fixable.  Your body is not damaged in any way that you cannot repair, and you showed truly amazing progress today.  Daddy said you were making baby steps, and Keith assured us it was more like a giant leap.  Over the course of the past 36 hours, you have improved so much that they took out the breathing tube so you only have a little one in your nose and are doing all the work on your own.  Your oxygen levels just kept getting stronger and stronger and they were confident that you could keep fighting.

Mommy has been trying to keep a good schedule of pumping all the tiny amounts of milk that I can for you.  It seems like such a tiny amount that I was almost embarrassed to give it to your nurses, but they assure me that very little drop of this early milk is jam packed with important stuff for you and that it is exactly what you need right now.  You seemed really happy when Daddy was there for your evening feeding and went right to sleep after you had those precious few drops.

Right now, we are continuing to pray that you continue to improve just at the pace you should.  Both Daddy and I are anxious about me being discharged and you still needing to be here, so we will see what the doctors say tomorrow.  We want to continuously be thankful for you and trust that God is going to be your healer and strength.  We love you so much and can't wait to kiss your sweet face and hold you close.

Mama

Getting to Know Your Big Sister

Hi handsome guy,
Mommy and Daddy were so happy to do another sonogram at the doctor this week so we could see how perfectly you are growing.  At just before 37 weeks, we got to see your little heart beating, your organs growing just right, your spine curved as you were curled up.  You looked a little squished in my tummy since you have grown to just under 7 lbs.  Your measurements all said that you were right on track for your age in weeks, and that you are somewhere in the 64% for growth.  Daddy seemed really fascinated with you, and he told me the other night that he feels like Mommy has had you mostly to myself for all these months and he can't wait to hold you in his arms.

And speaking of someone ready to meet you, your big sister has told me quite frequently that she wants to help give you a bottle and help you go to sleep, but definitely not change stinky diapers!  She hopes that you won't eat all her toys, which I assured her that you would not (although it is a very real possibility).  She thinks your little clothes are very cute and she might want to dress you up as if you were a Build-a-Bear.

I hope that you will learn to love her personality and wit as much as we do.  She is very much a Daddy's girl, but since you and I will be hanging out quite a bit when you are really little, I think that will work out just fine.  By the time you are a big guy and want to play rough with Dad, she may be in a super girly phase and want more time with me.  She does certainly talk (and sing and ask questions) alot, so I wonder if you will learn to talk just as much or go the opposite route and never get a word in.

When I asked her three things that she would want you to know about her, here's what she said:
1.  She likes to play dress-up.  You can play with her when you get bigger and you can have costumes like Woody and Buzz Lightyear.  And you definitely need wings.
2.  She likes to eat pizza and cheeseburgers.  Daddy helpfully reminded her that she even likes to eat octopus, but she thought that sounded gross.  So maybe we shouldn't plan on having calamari too frequently.
3.  She says she will be nice to you.  (There's hope!)

I can't wait to see all the ways that you are similar and different.  There are so many things that I have been thinking about in the past few weeks, both as memories of when Cameron was born and questions  of what you will look like and things you prefer.  In my mind, I guess I am preparing for you to be the total opposite of her, so any similarities will be a pleasant surprise.  Something tells me that you will keep us on our toes.

Just a few more weeks and you will be here!  (And according to Cameron, I will have a belly button again.)  We sure do love you, Rhys Man.

Hugs and Kisses,
Mama

Showered with Love

Little man,

You have been on my mind, my heart and certainly my pelvis lately.  I feel like you are getting so big that it takes a lot more effort to do the little things lately!  Thank goodness your daddy is not as lazy as me.  He has been very busy taking care of your big sister and helping me make progress on things around the house.  I hated to say it, but just a few weeks ago, there wasn't a lot of evidence around the house that we were actually going to be ready for your pending arrival.  But after we had some time away from work this week, we have so enjoyed getting organized and planning for becoming a family of four!

We are truly grateful that we have such wonderful family and friends who decided to throw a baby shower in your honor.  Two actually, one in Abilene and one here in San Antonio.  It was so much fun to talk about you - your special name, how you will make your daddy so proud, how your big sister will probably never let you get a word in....  People already love you and can't wait to meet you.  (I don't think the betting pool is formally organized yet on whether or not you will have red hair, but I am betting it will be brown like me.)  You are already one very lucky boy!

Some of your sweet presents included a video baby monitor, tons of cute outfits and soft blankets, bottles and things for Mommy, a beautiful quilt with your initials, books and toys that you will love.  We finally cleaned out most of the stuff taking up space in the guest room and shuffled some furniture around too.  Your daddy even put together your crib this week and we should be hanging up your cute decorations soon too.  

I have to say that I love getting to wash and organize all your tiny clothes.  I can already picture you snuggling up in jammies that say "Mommy's Little Prince" and "Daddy's Little Rookie."  Please forgive me that I keep buying you things with footballs on them, but that's what happens when Daddy is a coach.  If you grow up and don't like football, it will certainly not be because of lack of exposure!

You and I have been together for over 35 weeks now, so technically you could be here in less than a month.  I trust that God will have the timing all worked out for us, and I will try to stay strong (and minimally whiny) until the end.  We can't wait to see your sweet face and hold you in our arms.

Love, 

Mama

Cameron's Room Makeover

In preparation for the baby's room, we knew that we were going to rearranging lots of furniture and that Cameron's room needed an update.  She has had her big girl bed for quite a while, but the paint on her walls still matched her crib bedding!  Thankfully Daddy is a very neat painter and he finished it with out any help from very pregnant Mommy!

Here are the pictures when it was looking fabulous and finished!  The paint on your walls is actually a very soft lime green and I love the way it turned out.  Doesn't photograph perfectly, but trust me.

This dresser had to repainted from red to white when it left our bedroom.  Daddy is awesome!

You loved the sparkly mirror with all your dress up clothes easy to access!

This picture used to hang in Mommy's old office, but I think it will be appropriate for avoiding future girl drama.  And I love your bird bedding!

Daddy actually took apart your whole closet to repaint the shelves white and freshen things up.  He also built you a new shelf to hold all your cute shoes!

And he shall be called....

My Little Bear,
I wanted to tell you the special story about how we chose your name because it will be yours for the rest of your life. Some mommies might say that they had a list of names chosen long before they even knew they were pregnant, names they had always dreamed of giving to a boy or to a girl. I am not one of those mommies. It is also surprising that your daddy has such strong opinions about names, which is certainly because he has had many a student give him a bad memory to go along with their particular name. So we have had many, many, many discussions of what your name should be.

Once we found out you were a boy, we STILL weren't sure. There were two possibilities after the list was narrowed down, and neither one was particularly common. One was the name of a current professional golfer whose last name also sounds a bit Irish like ours, and the other name actually came from a Welsh spelling. I must admit that when choosing how to spell your sister's name, I was adamant that we not spell it in some crazy complicated manner because I didn't want her having to correct people her entire life. And yet, that's exactly what we did for you, my man.

We knew that your middle name would be Holbrook, after your daddy's maternal grandfather. His name was John Holbrook Chalmers, and he was a loving father, generous philanthropist and savvy businessman. And with that strong middle name in addition to your long last name, we knew that your first name had to be short and sweet. The name we chose for you supposedly means enthusiasm, fervor, passion, or ultimate strength. Apparently your spelling is common in Europe and Australia, but less so here in America. But still, your daddy says he just knew it was the name for you. And so, your name will be Rhys.

Rhys Holbrook Kilpatrick. What a guy.

Love, Mama

Cameron's Getting a Baby Brother!